the center for humane sexual culture

I went to see my doctor this morning, I find visiting him quite intimidating, I see a gulf between us in the way we live, our perceptions of life, our experiences within it.

Having to telling my doctor that the reason I want to come off my medication because it stunts my sexual response is excruciatingly uncomfortable. I want to scream, “Look, I’m fed up, I’m miserable not because of the depression which I’m taking the medication for, but because I miss my sexuality, I miss my sex, I want to feel something again, I want to come again, I want to feel the magnificance of sexual engulfment, I dont want to be impotent, I want my body back!”…

…But instead I avoid his eyes, my breathing quickens and I mutter ”My sexual response…is…well is not …great,” and the moment is silent, awkward. In those silences i hear “What sort of a girl expects to enjoy sex-let alone admit to it!” He doesn’t say it, he doesn’t need to, his clear embarassment and sidestepping of the subject say it all.