Your Stories #1: female
I ache with sexual shame…I am trying very hard right now to overcome it once and for all …
I was made aware by my first lover that I have a rather large clitoris. Since then I have felt embarassed and deeply ashamed of it, wanting to have it cut off or at least reduced…When I see it erect, I want to be sick, I am sad and want to disappear…I have been able to experience sexual pleasure since I was about twelve but only alone, I don’t like to reveal this part of myself and I am unable to embrace its nature fully during intimacy with my spouse… I feel not feminine, freakish and exposed…all you ever hear about is how small it is and how hard to find…mine is anything but… I can’t hide sexual pleasure or arousal and I guess I am ashamed of my arousal…which is probably deeper than just the size of my clit…Intellectually I know I need to release the shame but I haven’t gotten their yet… My spouse loves it but it doesn’t matter… I wish I had a positive end to this…I guess that I am taking action to love myself, challenging myself to overcome this in the bedroom, looking at other womens bodies in books and online, reading, researcing and taking photos of myself, recognizing the extraordinariness, magic and beauty…I am doing what I can so that I will fall in love with my body and my bodies subtlety and ability and by writing this hopefully, in some way it will make a difference for someone else…